ive always liked Jack Ma I think his head is very satisfying to look at
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australian border patrol watching me struggle to put my giant elephant tusk shaped suitcase in the xray machine asking me if i have anything to declare
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my christmas movie would end with father christmas building a rocket and attempting to fight the sun with his bare hands and getting atomised by plasma well before he reached the surface and father christmas is played by jackie chan
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i seen it happen where you take too much acid and then you think you look like a carrot or something
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being a beached whale probably feels amazing
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huge history textbook vibes on this one. our grandkids will probably have to write an essay about this comment
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the most downvoted penis on reddit has just been inducted into the victoria police sporting hall of fame. the last place on earth that it is welcome
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btw that deodorant post was a joke. i am an incredibly clean person. being clean is one of my hobbies. i dont know all the different creams and products like some people do i am just into it on a more casual basis. sometimes i use the wrong chemical and dissolve something or give myself a rash
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people who give names to their sourdough bacteria colony or whatever it is are the best of us. people who personify things that are closer to inanimate objects than anything else should be elected president instead of guys like Poop President who thinks that poop is a food
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men’s mental health month. even though we invented guns. even though we are incapable of human emotion and consideration. there are like 3 truly good men ever and you could say the same about like wolves or dolphins. sometimes they are nice but dont bet on it
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awesome comment on r/hearthstone gets downvoted for NO REASON
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has anyone ever found any brand of deodorant THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKS
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you checked your dog book and found no cats - new saying i came up with that basically means nothing unless I can indefinitely prevent my death and carry it on by myself. you people dont even listen to me anymore
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why dont more people talk about how the jylonist party actually donated quite a lot of money to relief
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really hope drake lives forever so that there’s never a Gold 104.3 ‘Day of Drake’ while im at work
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on the phone you said you had a baroque penis. that is just a normal penis. and it clearly doesn’t even work
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So defrauding someone is a crime now too. Got it. People who have been frauded just have to stay like that forever. Awesome system everyone
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had this idea for a stand up set where I come out on stage completely naked and erect and dont address it until the last joke where i explain that i might have miscalculated my last clothes donation to savers
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how is sloth one of the 7 deadly sins that does not seem anywhere even close to as bad as rape. why is that not one of them. sloths are just animals
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doing clean up in our rental for house inspection tomorrow and i accidentally chucked my active duty vape in the big bin outside along with all my dead ones. It’s raining. I have no shoes on. I’m out there with my head in the bin. Never been more humbled in my entire life
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What being a soldier is like in 2025: Okay boys, ears up. We’re going hot at zero two four hundred hours. No 15 minute breaks but legally we have to give you your 30 minute one. Say good things about unions into any camera recording for instagram reels or tiktok
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sometimes i build a small wall around myself and call it a castle and everyone says thats not a castle thats just a few walls and a guy standing in it and fuck man it takes the wind completely out of my sails
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now I understand why truck drivers abuse stimulants. trucks are way more interesting if youve got that pep in your step. must feel so cool to be on the ice pipe while in the cockpit of a huge mother like that. And they call you the road train. So fckn awesome
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R/FISHDOM MINECRAFT ENDER DRAGON STREAM STARTS AT 7PM MELB TIME
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